Monday, February 8, 2010

Sleep... Why do you elude me?

I have blogged before in the middle of the night explaining that I can't sleep but it's goes so much deeper than that. Sure I have valid readons more often than not. Like; Hubby snoring, Aussie coughing, Roo waking through the night, myself being over tired or unable to stop the thoughts from coming.

But now I know those things are only part of it. I think I am broken... and I don't know how to fix myself. After receiving an email from a concerned friend about my (too frequent) middle of the night posts both here and on facebook she has concluded that I am now officially entering the sadness portion of the "emotional stages". I laugh at the emotional stages because I don't feel like I fit into that cookie cutter list of stages. I bounce up and down those steps feeling like I'll never reach the one I want, the one where I am better and this nightmare is over and I can move on, collecting all the broken pieces of my life as I go. Can I order crazy glue in bulk? Perhaps I should hit up Costco in preperation for that step.

I'll leave you with the lyrics to the 1st track in my playlist (didn't know I had one here, turn up your speakers.)

I need some sleep

It can't go on like this
I tried counting sheep
But there's one I always miss

Everyone says I'm getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I'm in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning 'round

Everyone says I'm getting' down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

For the record, I know what I am feeling is a phase, the Coleen formerly known as the class clown will return so please bear with me while she`s on hiatus. In the mean time I check my smile in the mirror, yup, still looks convincing... Time to start my day.

1 comment:

Wendy said...

My heart feels so much anguish for you, dear girl. Your words are so vivid, that I feel them. I hope these dark days and nights are ver for you soon. My battle lasted almost 2 years and I did have my ups and downs to. I only hope your battle ends successfully sooner than mine did!

Chin up!

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