2012 is bringing changes!

A tearful conversation with my mom about my recent emotions, as well as a candid one with my hubby, brought about a lot of thoughts on how I can feel better. I spoke to both of them openly about how hurt I had been by a couple of people I thought were friends. I can see very clearly they are not anymore, and was struggling with that. I was also struggling very deeply with mixed feeling after being cleared by my dr. Finding out my cancer was gone was really a shock to my system and I haven't been coping as one would expect to such amazing, life altering news.

A couple of weeks have passed and I am not the big weepy mess of confusion I last wrote about anymore, but rather I am inspired to feel better by being better. Basically I am going to push down the negative thoughts and feelings and immerse myself in my ability to see the positive in any situation.

I don't do resolutions but I decided after these conversations that this is what I will strive for this year.

• I will no longer let bullies make me feel bad. I'll kill 'em with kindness instead. 
• I will stop worrying about how other people feel about me and learn to love myself again.
• I will think of 5 things that make me smile every time I feel negative thoughts bubbling up  
• I will push myself to see the good in every situation, no matter how tough it is.
• I will allow myself to move past my illness.
• I will begin making small steps to get out of my house more often, and work through the anxiety.
• I will make myself a household binder to get myself on track and on a schedule.
• I will continue being the best mom I can be and work towards being a less dependent wife.
• I will actively work on my blogging and keep current.
• I will make a plan on how to achieve my writing dreams and create a timeline to motivate me.
• I will put positivity out in order to see it return to me.

It's a list in progress as I am sure I will be adding things as my mind races with thoughts on self improvement. Even though it's only been a couple weeks I have let a lot of negative things go. Like friendships that have clearly faded. I'm finally OK with that. I spent a lot of time pondering what I may have done wrong but now I know in my heart that it really doesn't matter. Those people have shown themselves and my true friends are still right here with me through thick and thin they are the ones who deserve my focus.

Life has been much sweeter these past two weeks, and I know it's only going to get better as I work to find a new, post cancer, normal.